


tentadick is a horrible word

by milk_and_glitter



Category: Fedez (Musician) RPF, MIKA (Musician) RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, But whatever, Consentacles, M/M, Multi, Oral Sex, Self-Lubrication, Shower Sex, Tentacles, allusions to suction cup garfield dolls, andy never does finish writing that super important email, consentarms, obscure units of measurement, technically they're arms so, tentacle (by which i mean cephalopod arm)-on-penis sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 09:02:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9065158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milk_and_glitter/pseuds/milk_and_glitter
Summary: don't worry there's no actual tentadick.  there ARE, however, tentacles (8-12 of them) also fedez doesn't really show up til chapter two and THIS. IS. NOT. A. MIDEZ. FIC. strictly andez.  mika is kinda mad at fedez the entire time actually





	1. Chapter 1

Mika shifted so a different part of his back was against Andy. He couldn't find an actually comfortable position, only keep switching to a new one every few seconds. 

 

“I told you, I'm almost done,” Andy said. “Can't you wait another three minutes?”

 

Mika flipped over again and pushed his palm across his dick through his jeans. “What's so important about a fucking email?” He felt like every muscle in the lower half of his body was twitching, especially the ones he didn't normally know he had. 

 

“I've already put it off for over a week. You're such a teenager.” 

 

Mika could see how hard Andy was. At least as hard as he was, maybe more. How was Andy so _calm_?

 

“Just play with yourself until I finish if you can't handle waiting five minutes,” Andy said. 

 

“But I want to do things properly for once!” Mika protested. He resolutely jerked his hand away from his crotch and occupied it with the texture of Andy's jeans. They never had any time for just the two of them, and when they did it was like this. What was the point of being alone if one of them was always busy?

 

Mika traced triangle after triangle on Andy's leg, trying to make them as nearly equilateral as possible and distract himself with the vibration. Andy snapped his laptop shut and climbed on top of Mika. “You know what, forget the email.” He slid one hand up Mika's shirt and rubbed his thumb over Mika's nipple. Mika shivered and groaned. He let his head flop back, then pulled Andy's ass down harder so he could grind against him. He bit into Andy's neck just a little too hard before pushing the two of them up off the sofa and towards the bathroom. 

 

Andy held Mika back for long enough to unbutton his jeans and step out of them, then relaxed and let himself be shoved into the shower. Mika turned the water on full blast, ignoring Andy's protests that they should get undressed first. He shuddered violently at the initial freezing water, but his hard-on didn't seem to notice. Andy had missed most of it, the lucky bastard. Mika kissed Andy, pinning him to the wall with one hand and wrapping the other around his cock. Andy moaned and peeled off his own shirt, then Mika's. He thrust shallowly into Mika's hand and dug his nails into Mika's back. 

 

Mika whimpered and squirmed against Andy. The way his jeans were trapping his cock was starting to really hurt. Andy laughed. “Want some help with that?”

 

Mika nodded. He let Andy unbutton his jeans and pull them down. Try to pull them down, rather. They made it about halfway off his ass and stuck. 

 

“Are you _ever_ gonna learn not to get your jeans wet while you're wearing them?” Andy asked. 

 

“What if you can't get them off?” Mika asked. 

 

“Don't worry,” Andy said. “We'll get you and your dick out and you'll still get fucked.” He knelt down and carefully tugged one leg at a time until he got them down around Mika's thighs, then paused and cupped Mika's balls in one hand. “We could have some fun like this, with you all nicely restrained.”

 

“Just get me out of--” Mika started, but his voice devolved into a squeak at the sensation of Andy's tongue on the underside of his cock. He grabbed the back of Andy's head and rocked forward against his mouth. Andy steadied him with a hand and dragged his tongue across the tip of his cock, then took him in his mouth for a second before pulling off entirely and smirking up at him. 

 

“Don't want you coming yet.”

 

He eased Mika's jeans off the rest of the way, apparently unable to hear Mika swearing at him. 

 

Mika pulled Andy up and leaned against his chest, nipping at his collarbones and the base of his throat. He slid his hand down Andy's side to grab at his ass and felt something soft and warm and wet uncoiling from his hip. He moved his hand up Andy’s back to his shoulder. Several somethings.

 

Andy grinned at him. “Read your mind, huh?” He wrapped one tentacle around Mika's waist and pulled him in closer. 

 

Mika felt another one between his ass cheeks, very gentle and very soft and very slick. 

 

“You want it?” Andy asked. 

 

“Yeah.” Mika put his arms around Andy's neck and kissed him as hard as he could. 

 

Andy hugged Mika to his chest with another two tentacles and squeezed their cocks together. Mika panted into his neck and relaxed as much as he could, letting Andy rim him. He pushed his hair up out of his face. “Hurry up or I'll come before you even get inside me.”

 

Andy sucked on Mika's shoulder and started pushing in. His tentacle was even slicker than it had been a moment ago. Mika could feel the some of the fluid dripping down to his balls. Andy pushed farther in and Mika inhaled sharply. It didn't _hurt_ exactly, it was just… uncomfortable. 

 

“You okay?” Andy asked, rubbing the head of Mika's cock. 

 

Mika nodded. Yet another tentacle pulled one of his legs up to give Andy a better angle. He relaxed again and let Andy resume thrusting. This time felt better; he was more used to the sensation, the angle was more comfortable, Andy was paying more attention to his cock. A couple thrusts later Andy's tentacle rubbed across Mika's prostate and made him whimper into Andy's neck. He wasn't sure if he wanted to come right that second or if he wanted it to go on forever but _fuck_ that felt good. 

 

Andy laughed breathlessly. “You like that, huh?” His fist tightened, making Mika fuck into it harder. 

 

Mika didn't reply. He couldn't. His mind was refusing form words. Andy was thrusting into his ass even faster and right over his prostate and he couldn't even _think_ he just wanted to come and _now_ and Andy's mouth was pressed against his ear and--

 

“Fuck, you do like this, you love having me inside you don't you, Meeky Moo?”

 

\--and he was coming, all over his stomach and Andy's hand, heat shooting through his entire body, and he couldn't see or hear anything. He probably would've collapsed if Andy hadn't been holding him up. 

 

Andy reached behind them and turned the water off so Mika wouldn't accidentally inhale more than he probably already had. He kept gently working Mika's cock through the aftershocks of his orgasm, but slid his tentacle out. “How was that for alone time?” he asked. 

 

Mika looked up at him, still panting. “Good. Really good.” He flinched and Andy let go of his dick. “Want me… want me to take care of you now?”

 

Andy kissed him. “Once you can stand up without falling over, yeah.” It was getting cold. He turned the water back on. 

 

He heard a noise off to their side and looked over. Fedez's eyes stared back at him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this between midnight and 3 am so

Today felt like a good ab day. Fedez felt like taking advantage of that. After all, what was the point of having twelve abs if they didn't get shared with two-point-nine-million instagram followers via a fetching mirror selfie? 

 

He toddled off towards the bathroom, that most optimal of selfie locations. Still had Electric Barbarella stuck in his head…. He popped the door open and expertly doffed his shirt without unsettling a single strand of his hair. 

 

 _Shit_. Someone was already in there. Specifically, in the shower. No, two someones. He must have been so absorbed in Duran Duran appreciation as to be oblivious. He was about to take his leave but -- ye gods, one of them was Andy.

 

Andy, and with the most alluring, enticing, resplendent, _pulchritudinous_ set of tentacles Fedez had ever had the good fortune to witness. Of all the times to be young, virile, and wearing gym shorts!

 

There were about ten of them, light cerulean and delicately striped. And wrapped around Mika. Except for one. That one was -- well, to put things politely, that one was _inside_ Mika. How did one guy get so lucky? He got Andy to himself, he got Andy's tentacles to himself…. 

 

Fedez realized he had one hand wrapped tightly around his cock through his shorts. He wasn't sure whether to let go or not. Andy had apparently not noticed him yet, after all. This did seem wrong, though. Perhaps just another minute, then he'd pull a vanishing act and no one need know. 

 

Andy's glorious tentacle was thrusting faster and Mika was shaking. If Fedez wanted to avoid being caught he had to leave _now_ , but somehow he was fixed in place. Almost all movement in the shower ceased. Andy seemed to be holding Mika gently and whispering in his ear. What Fedez wouldn't give to be in Mika's place right now…. 

 

Andy turned and stared right into his eyes. His gaze was second, in both blueness and penetrative qualities, only to his tentacles. Quite possibly even first in blueness. 

 

“Were you wanting to join us or just standing there?”

 

Fedez's mouth responded before his brain had any say in the matter. “Join!”

 

Andy didn't even look fazed. “Alright with you, babe?” he asked Mika. 

 

Mika gave him a half-assed shrug. “Why not.”

 

Fedez stripped off his shorts and boxers so fast he nearly took a header. The shower was decidedly cramped with three adult men in it, but that just meant he could squeeze even closer to Andy. Two of Andy's tentacles wrapped around his back and he just about came from that alone. Well, more from the thought of one of them inside his ass, really. Oh god, Andy's dick was right there, almost touching his own. He wanted to touch it so badly, but the possessive (if sleepy) look on Mika's face suggested that would be a poor choice. 

 

Mika manoeuvred himself between Andy and Fedez as much as the lack of space allowed. 

 

“What exactly were you wanting me to do to you?” Andy asked Fedez. 

 

Fedez looked hopefully at his tentacles. 

 

“If you say you want him to fuck you with his tentacles…” 

 

Fedez looked away from Andy's tentacles. 

 

“How about this then?” Andy asked. He wrapped one of his tentacles carefully around Fedez's cock. 

 

Fedez groaned and leaned forward against Andy and Mika. It felt… really weird. Good weird. But weird. He hadn't really considered there being suckers. It was also a bit slimier than he'd expected. 

 

Mika slid his arm around Andy's chest. 

 

“What do you think of the tentacle?” Andy asked. 

 

“It's like… it's like a bunch of those little suction cup Garfield dolls rolled around in lube and decided to go for a ride on my schlongdoodle,” Fedez said. “But in a _good_ way.” 

 

“Garfield blowjob?” Mika said. 

 

“Yeh.”

 

Tentacle suckers were a surprisingly efficient form of stimulation. He wondered if they made a tentacle version of the fleshlight. That triggered another thought. “Andy?” he asked. “Do you want me to, like, suck you off? Or anything?”

 

Andy opened his mouth to reply but before he could inhale Mika shoved Fedez. “That's MY territory, bitch!”

 

Fedez shoved him right back. “I was talking to Andy!”

 

“I don't care!”

 

Andy patted them both on the head. “What if you shared? I think I'd like that.”

 

Mika glared at him. Fedez gave him hopeful Bambi eyes. 

 

Andy laughed. “Sorry, I think Mika won this round,” he said. 

 

Mika dropped to his knees and things quieted down for long enough that Fedez was paying attention to the tentacle (biologically it is an arm but for the purposes of convenience it shall be referred to colloquially as a tentacle) on his pork trumpet. He was about as far from coming as two quarks are if the weak interaction has any noticeable effect between them. 

 

His gametes missed Mika's face by about 0.00596516 perch (yes that is an actual unit of length shut the fuck up).

 

Gravity is actually super weird, like, whut. 

 

Fedez extracted himself from the collection of Andy's cephalopod limbs although he's not a cephalopod like he's obviously a primate he just has cephalopod limbs, grabbed his clothes, and ran. He _really_ did not want to know what Mika was going to say about this tomorrow.

 

On the bright side, this would be masturbation fuel for the next decade or so. Also he was so buying a tentacle dildo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you want to know what happened to andy maybe I'll write chapter three if I feel like it

**Author's Note:**

> this one was almost serious lol just wait for the next one


End file.
